Uncontrived Mindfulness

I love this poem by Linda France, and she has kindly given permission for me to use the title for my next online retreat coming up. I so enjoy the juxtaposition of the unreal dream world with what’s real or true. In a very beautiful way Linda walks us into a world of mindfulness of what is, touching and opening the mind not only to truth, but also to love.

I’ve been thinking about references to dreams and dreaming in Buddhism. In the Diamond Sutra we’re advised to practice by viewing conditioned existence as like a phantom or a dream. Something that is ephemeral and insubstantial and that it is possible to wake up from and realise it is not true.

The aggregates (skandhas) of clinging continue the theme encouraging us to view body, feelings, perceptions, as ‘a lump of foam, a bubble, a mirage’ – all of which are completely insubstantial with no way of holding onto them. It’s as if the Buddha is saying – when you cling you can’t trust your senses or your rational mind; it will all disappear as soon as you reach to hold onto it. Even by holding onto an idea in your mind you’ll alter and thereby distort what is being seen or heard or touched or thought about.

Volitional acts are compared to a banana tree which has no heartwood, no centre. Its leaves are tightly packed and wound around each other so they form a firm ‘trunk’. The fifth aggregate – moments of consciousness that we identify as ‘me’, I’m the one noticing all this stuff happening through my body and mind, is like being fooled by a magician and completely taken in by their tricks.

The Buddha didn’t deny a world or a life that has some relative reality. In the relative world we have responsibilities to keep; we go to work; we manage our finances so we can pay our rent or buy things we need. We have people who matter to us, and we do our best to be a good parent or partner or friend. In this world we have values and our ethics matter to us.

 Unfortunately, when we act in the world without an awareness of its dreamlike illusory nature, we get caught in the net of all the views, opinions, and stories we hold onto. The more we struggle the more suffering we unwittingly cause ourselves and others.

What the Buddha was advising was a perspective, a way to view the world that would help us see everything within it, including our own mind and body, in a more accurate way that would alleviate suffering.

This might sound a bit dry, like scraping the icing off a cake before you get to eat it or fluffing the punchline of a joke in a way that kills all the laughter potential. Or when we tell someone our wonderful dream and what was magical becomes clumsy and prosaic over breakfast.

Having other ways that give us a sense of the freedom from suffering are helpful. We can use intermediaries. After all it is hard to imagine being completely free because we can’t rely on our usual reference points – which is our senses. Usually, we know something because we smell, touch, or taste it. Or we see, hear, or think about it. Awakening is not like that. It’s unknown to us; it’s not like this, or similar to that. It’s something else altogether.

What’s good about poetry (and the arts more generally) is they can point us towards the mystery of life and open up responses in us that are not part of our more humdrum existence. We don’t have to explain why we love a painting or a novel or a piece of music. Instead, usually we feel it.

I find I really enjoy having things in my life I can’t explain with the rational mind. I see a cranial-sacral practitioner every six weeks or so. He touches my feet very lightly and I feel clear sensations in my belly. Or I notice a strong emotion that comes out of nowhere. I ‘know’ there’s a connection, but I can’t explain it, and I quite like that I can’t. It’s enough to just hold it very lightly.

Dwelling in the pleasurable non-rational in these (and other) ways helps loosen my grip on what I think I know, as well as holding onto the world around me. Dreams are extremely convincing, and I seem to have to wake up again and again, questioning their substance and making the connection between the unreality of sleeping dream life and waking dream life.

Sometimes though, we do have access to a more direct knowing of what’s real. As a result of meditating or ethical practice or sometimes meaningful communication we access the beauty of a mind that is true and free. It may well be only partially free, or temporarily free but when we feel the flexibility of consciousness that results from it and the mind that is responsive and equanimous or the heart that is softened and open it feels worth all the efforts of practice.

In the words of the poem

 “I want whatever’s real to be enough, at least.

 It’s a place to begin. And to master the art

of loving it; feel it love me back, under my skin.”

I’m excited to be offering our fourth annual on-line retreat, running in the post-Christmas lull and seeing in the New Year.

The retreat will run for five full days from Thursday 28th December to Monday 1st January. There will be input, led meditations, and the opportunity to ask questions and talk about your practice. In the evenings there will be integrated ritual elements, including a longer evening to mark the New Year.  

The Theme:

Buddhism tells us that life is like a dream and that ‘reality’ is to be found from waking up from the dream and realizing the dreamlike, empty nature of all experiences.

Dreams can convey many things: they can be beautiful, frightening, mundane or mysterious. Like our waking life, dreams are very convincing.

In practice we want to understand what is ultimately ‘real’ while relating in a helpful way to our dream-like world of relative reality.

Mindfulness and right view will enable an intuitive sense of ‘knowing’ of our experience. We’ll look in some detail at the skandha of perception and some of the ways the mind automatically creates concepts. We bring awareness to how we create our worlds and see how we can go beyond them.  

This online retreat is for anyone who has previously participated in a week or more of retreat with me.  I will be supported by Vajrapriya.

The retreat is offered on a dana (donation) basis. I’ll say more about this during the retreat.

The sessions will run from 10.30 – 12.30, 17.00 – 18.00 and 20.00 – 21.00 GMT. There will be optional un-led groups at 16.00 on the first and last days to check-in about your practice and connect with some others on the retreat. Vajrapriya will offer an un-led sit from 07.30 – 08.15 each day.

      

Today the UK news is full of the sentencing of nurse Lucy Letby to a life sentence in prison without the chance of parole. She’s been found guilty of the murder of seven newborn babies and the attempted murder of six others in the hospital where she worked. As part of the sentencing process ‘impact’ statements were read from parents whose babies had been killed or left with life changing disabilities from coming into contact with Letby. Simply reading some of these words it is clear that their suffering is devastating. The parents say that years later the horror and pain is such that it feels like it happened yesterday. The loss of their child is laced with the savage and irreparable pain of the betrayal of trust; their child died deliberately at the hands of their caregiver.

What on earth can Buddhism have to say about that level of distress? What words could possibly give any solace? I’m not sure there are any. Not today at least. And not uninvited, not without them being sought out at the right time and in the right place.

 And yet the Buddha had a lot to say about pain and suffering.

There are of course the well-known stories: the mother, Kisa Gotami, who almost lost her mind after the death of her infant son but who eventually found peace through coming to understand how universal loss is. The Buddha too experienced loss when two of his closest friends and disciples died, one killed at the hands of a rival sect.

At times the Buddha knew that all that could be done with certain kinds of suffering was to do was to try to ‘bear with’ it. He recognised that suffering could completely floor us and that that was OK. In fact, even though what the Buddha meant by ‘suffering’ (dukkha in his own language) was quite particular, and very broad, the main question he asked was ‘is it possible to be with what is happening right now’?

When we’re able to be with what’s happening, perhaps breathing with agony, or walking with terror, or simply acknowledging the rage we feel, there’s sometimes an unexpected relief to our suffering that can take us by surprise. It might just be a tiny shift where there is a momentary release from complete mental contraction. We find we can breathe a little more easily. Or we notice the world around us again perhaps seeing the colour of a flower amongst greyness and flatness.

We find that in moments we can bear the unbearable.

But we can start small with everyday dukkha. Can we learn to ‘bear with’ the dukkha found in daily frustrations and disappointments or our unmet expectations when things don’t go our way? Suffering (we can also talk about a sense of dis-ease or dissatisfaction) arises whenever there is a gap between what’s happening to us and what we want. By being with what is actually happening we narrow the gap created by our desire for things to be other than they are.

So, there’s nothing inherently noble about suffering. And in fact, what the Buddha was referring to, was certain of his disciples who had come to understand the nature of suffering in such a way that it no longer caused them distress and pain. By facing the reality of our experience, rather than dwelling on what we’d prefer or even desperately want, we are cultivating the capacity for such noble qualities as courage and deep acceptance – and ultimately the wisdom and compassion of the ‘noble ones’.

If you live near Shrewsbury, UK and have been meditating within Triratna for at least a year and you would like to explore the Buddha’s teaching of ‘The Four Noble Truths’ I’ll be leading a weekend end workshop on the theme soon. Check it out HERE

This morning I led an online Drop-In class set up to help those interested in mindfulness and wisdom practice (sati-panna) keep going in-between retreats. It’s always a challenge to take mindfulness off the cushion and keep the wisdom/right view perspective active so it can notice wrong views and how we are relating to experiences.

The class was centred around learning to maintain awareness while ‘seeing’ is happening. After the meditation I invited observations on how the led practice had been. One of the more experienced practitioners noted how ‘loaded’ the objects in her field of vision had seemed. I asked her to expand a little and she commented that several things seen reminded her of tasks to do, of actions to complete and increased a sense of pressure and busyness in the mind. Other objects provoked memories and associations going back years.

My partner, who was in the meditation, finds it hard to switch off the DIY mode of looking when meditating with eyes open, and affirmed his attention tended to be snagged by a bit of wall that needs replastering, or a light fitting needing replacing.

Often what surrounds us – and particularly when we’re practicing on-line from our own homes – are things that hold deep significance for us. In the room where I was sitting this morning are objects I’ve personally selected because of their beauty (a new lampshade), or been given (a mobile of shells made by a loved one), or they’ve been inherited and are full of resonance (my father-in-law’s pink comfy armchairs) and sometimes the sadness of loss.

Because we are often unused to ‘seeing’ in awareness the objects surroundings us are not seen as practice ‘objects’ but as ‘objects of attachment’. We relate not to the process of ‘seeing’ but of what those objects mean to ‘me’. Even so-called neutral things like the sofa in our sitting room has a flavour of this because – in this instance – of the satisfaction of getting it on ‘Freecycle’ and saving it from landfill. There is attachment to personally doing something seen to be of benefit rather than buying a brand new one.

Think then, how it is with people. When we look at each other, we look with the full complement of ideas and feelings of our history and associations for good or ill. Our memories, particularly of the connections and well-being between us keep our relationships deeply human, but also seen through our deeply conditioned minds. Our inability to look afresh compromises being able to see our friend, husband, neighbour as they are, not as we are. Seeing with awareness allows both the relative human level and the more absolute wisdom level to be known.

What my friend was noticing in the class this morning was how the mind was relating to each object seen – how it was weighted with concepts and ideas that the mind attaches to. In noticing the relationship to objects we see how the mind is affected by them with such things as liking or disliking, task orientated ‘doing mind’ or how the object feeds a sense of self.

We learn a lot about what the mind is doing quite naturally. And when we see this relationship with awareness there is less identification and less attachment. It becomes very interesting to see how the mind takes ownership of even the most neutral seeming objects in our homes.

In doing so we ‘take a load off’; we lighten the burden of association and proliferation in the moment. We allow the mind to simply ‘know’ what’s presenting itself through the senses. And this brings joy to the mind and appreciation for awareness and wisdom simply doing their jobs.

A few months ago, I spoke about Samvega – the quality of spiritual urgency. These reflections have continued, and the initial spark to the previous post – reading the Buddha’s words in the Anguttara Nikaya – has continued. (I’m now just over 600 pages in with 1000 to go!).

One of the Suttas in the Anguttara Nikaya is called ‘Goad’ which means either ‘to provoke or annoy someone in order to stimulate a reaction’ or ‘to drive cattle with a spiked stick’. The way the word is used in the Sutta is more like the second definition, but the first is relevant too.

The Buddha starts by saying that there are 4 kinds of excellent thoroughbred horses existing in the world. The Sutta uses a familiar device where later it compares and contrasts the thoroughbred horses to excellent thoroughbred persons.

The 4 horses each react differently to the threat of the goad and the suffering it will cause: the first is ‘stirred and acquires a sense of urgency’ when it catches a glimpse of the shadow of the goad, the second when the goad touches its hair, the third when its hide is struck by the goad, and the fourth is motivated only when the goad strikes painfully right to the bone.

The persons, likewise, respond differently to dukkha – suffering: the first excellent thoroughbred person is stirred and acquires urgency (to practice) when they hear of someone suffering an illness or dying in a near-by village. The second doesn’t respond to this suffering that is somewhat removed but only when they actually see a man or a woman sick or dead with their own eyes. The third person is not affected and stirred to action until one of their own family is involved. And the fourth person doesn’t react until they themselves are seriously ill or dying (stricken and racked with pain as the Sutta puts it). Then this excellent thoroughbred person is finally motivated to practice and understand the truth of the Buddha’s teachings. The Sutta is offering a stick approach, rather than the carrot. 

How quickly or slowly do we ‘get it’? Do we learn through repeated and painful life lessons? Or is our sense of Buddha’s words deep and intuitive, and our motivation to follow the path natural and continuous? What motivates us to practice the path? Mostly we don’t learn things without repeated experience of them. Or repeated practising of them.

What can stir us to urgency to practice? One thing I’ve found helpful to bear in mind is that we can’t expect our motivation to always come from within. Finding dharma teachings to remind us of the truth of things is essential and can deepen our motivation to practice. One such verse that will be familiar to some of you can be read aloud, perhaps before we sit to meditate.

The 4 Reminders – taken from the original verses by Tsongkhapa and adapted (see below).

This human birth is precious,
An opportunity to awaken,
But this body is impermanent;
Ready or not, one day I shall die.

So this life I must know
As the tiny splash of a raindrop,
A thing of beauty that disappears
Even as it comes into being.

The karma I create
Shapes the course of my life,
But however I act
Life always has difficulties;
No-one can control it all.
Only the Dharma
Can free me and others
From suffering forever.

Therefore I recall
My heart’s longing for freedom,
And resolve to make use
Of every day and night
To realize it.

[Written/compiled by Viveka and reworked by Vessantara and Vijayamala. This version 2021.]

If you would like to hear more about the quality of spiritual urgency, and its companion quality ‘pasada’ or tranquillity you can check out a talk I gave recently at the shrewsbury triratna buddhist centre.

What makes Dukkha dukkha? If you’re not familiar with the word, ‘dukkha’ is a Pali word that was used by the Buddha to articulate a sense of dis-ease, of suffering even; a sense that something is not right in our world or in our being. Dukkha can be a state of internal agitation and stress usually in relation to not getting the things we want and getting the things we don’t want. Everyone’s life has things in it we don’t want. It’s natural that we want to be happy, to feel satisfied and for things to go our way. We don’t want to lose our job, our health, or our marriage. We want to be agreed with or we want a vigorous debate. Our desires can be quite contradictory but one thing the Buddha was very clear on; wanting or desiring creates dukkha.

Life involves suffering, there is no way around that. The Buddha said ‘birth is suffering, sickness is suffering, old age and death are dukkha’; if we are born into human form at some point we will suffer. But how we relate to that suffering and dis-ease determines whether we suffer.

VUCA is an acronym I’ve come across recently that I think connects to Dukkha. VUCA draws on leadership theory developed in the 1980’s in the US and is a way of describing and becoming conscious of situations that are Volatile, Uncertain, Complex and Ambiguous. It has been used in the US Military, and other high-risk occupations such as fire-fighters, paramedics, and police. What these situations have in common is a potent mixture of threat and danger amidst highly charged and complex conditions, but alongside periods of routine or even boredom and waiting around.

I think VUCA goes quite a way to helping our understanding of the dynamics of Dukkha; it lays out some deep truths about ourselves and our world which can help us recognise some of our core desires. Our outer and inner worlds, at times, (or a lot of the time) can seem volatile with the ground swept out from under us. Things are not always clear; our own minds, let alone other peoples, can be mystifying! Our own indecisiveness or our relationship to uncertainty can create stress for us. And our world and the choices available to us have become increasingly complex; what is the best thing to do? How can we make sense of different possibilities?

Thinking in terms of VUCA can help objectify what we often react to and are confused by. They can be additional labels that help us get curious about why we’re suffering or even experiencing slight dis-ease or uncomfortableness that’s often present (for me anyway). It can help us accept that complexity or uncertainty are natural parts of the ups and downs of life. And reveal the link between dukkha and craving; how suffering comes about through wanting to change things that are beyond our control. When we recognise the forces that are way beyond our control, and we can observe the constant attempts to try to control we let go a little.

We get a stronger sense of the futility of seeking stability etc in a world which is inherently changing. We see how the tight grip of desiring it to be otherwise makes us suffer. And we come to an understanding, through our direct experiencing, that peace comes from a deep acceptance of things just as they are.

As the great Thai meditation master Ajaan Chah said:

“If you let go a little you will have a little happiness,

If you let go a lot you will have a lot of happiness,

If you let go completely you will be free.”

PS – I’m now on Page 359 of the Anguttara Nikaya….

I’m excited to be offering our third annual on-line retreat, running in the post-Christmas lull and seeing in the New Year together.

This online retreat is for anyone who has previously participated in a week or more of retreat with me. It will be led by myself with support from Vajrapriya.

The retreat will run for six full days from Wednesday 28th December to Monday 2nd January. There will be input, led meditations, and the opportunity to ask questions and talk about your practice. In the evenings there will be integrated ritual elements, including a longer evening to mark the New Year.

The invitation is to really give yourself the time and space to be on retreat, letting awareness gain some momentum that can support the growth of understanding and wisdom. However, the practice also lends itself to being taken into any activities or responsibilities that you need to attend to.

Freedom from Clinging

The focus of the retreat will be on investigating the nature of the mind that clings or grasps. The retreat will initially refresh the central principles of awareness and right view, and explore the difference between concepts and awareness. After that we’ll focus on using our direct experience to notice how the mind clings, what it clings to, and how we can release from clinging and therefore from suffering.

We will be looking to access a quality of awareness imbued with spaciousness and loving-kindness, helping depth and understanding to pervade the practice.

The retreat is offered on a dana (donation) basis. I’ll say more about this during the retreat. All I need to say now is, please don’t let a lack of money stop you from coming: whatever you can give is fine.

Programme

The programme each day will be:

Session	GMT / UTC
0	07.30 – 08.15	Unled meditation (not day 1)
1	10.30 – 12.30	Main input and led meditation
2	17.00 – 18.00	Light input and led meditation
3	20.00 – 21.00	Meditation and ritual

There will be optional un-led groups at 16.00 on the first and last days to check-in about your practice and to connect with some others on the retreat.

Recordings will be made of Sessions 1 & 2 (maybe parts of Session 3) and posted up within one hour of the end of the session. We are expecting people to be joining from a wide range of time zones, so we hope the recordings will help some people to catch up with sessions they may miss.

The retreat will start with Session 1 on 28^th December, and end with Session 3 on 2^nd Jan.

You need to book to receive the joining instructions. I really hope to see you on the retreat.