Today the UK news is full of the sentencing of nurse Lucy Letby to a life sentence in prison without the chance of parole. She’s been found guilty of the murder of seven newborn babies and the attempted murder of six others in the hospital where she worked. As part of the sentencing process ‘impact’ statements were read from parents whose babies had been killed or left with life changing disabilities from coming into contact with Letby. Simply reading some of these words it is clear that their suffering is devastating. The parents say that years later the horror and pain is such that it feels like it happened yesterday. The loss of their child is laced with the savage and irreparable pain of the betrayal of trust; their child died deliberately at the hands of their caregiver.
What on earth can Buddhism have to say about that level of distress? What words could possibly give any solace? I’m not sure there are any. Not today at least. And not uninvited, not without them being sought out at the right time and in the right place.
And yet the Buddha had a lot to say about pain and suffering.
There are of course the well-known stories: the mother, Kisa Gotami, who almost lost her mind after the death of her infant son but who eventually found peace through coming to understand how universal loss is. The Buddha too experienced loss when two of his closest friends and disciples died, one killed at the hands of a rival sect.
At times the Buddha knew that all that could be done with certain kinds of suffering was to do was to try to ‘bear with’ it. He recognised that suffering could completely floor us and that that was OK. In fact, even though what the Buddha meant by ‘suffering’ (dukkha in his own language) was quite particular, and very broad, the main question he asked was ‘is it possible to be with what is happening right now’?
When we’re able to be with what’s happening, perhaps breathing with agony, or walking with terror, or simply acknowledging the rage we feel, there’s sometimes an unexpected relief to our suffering that can take us by surprise. It might just be a tiny shift where there is a momentary release from complete mental contraction. We find we can breathe a little more easily. Or we notice the world around us again perhaps seeing the colour of a flower amongst greyness and flatness.
We find that in moments we can bear the unbearable.
But we can start small with everyday dukkha. Can we learn to ‘bear with’ the dukkha found in daily frustrations and disappointments or our unmet expectations when things don’t go our way? Suffering (we can also talk about a sense of dis-ease or dissatisfaction) arises whenever there is a gap between what’s happening to us and what we want. By being with what is actually happening we narrow the gap created by our desire for things to be other than they are.
So, there’s nothing inherently noble about suffering. And in fact, what the Buddha was referring to, was certain of his disciples who had come to understand the nature of suffering in such a way that it no longer caused them distress and pain. By facing the reality of our experience, rather than dwelling on what we’d prefer or even desperately want, we are cultivating the capacity for such noble qualities as courage and deep acceptance – and ultimately the wisdom and compassion of the ‘noble ones’.
If you live near Shrewsbury, UK and have been meditating within Triratna for at least a year and you would like to explore the Buddha’s teaching of ‘The Four Noble Truths’ I’ll be leading a weekend end workshop on the theme soon. Check it out HERE
Uncontrived Mindfulness 